The Book O Contracts: Volume One
by Kurai Hitokiri
Summary: Twenty rules written and signed by the students of Hyrule High. Be prepared for many laughs. Alternate Universe.


Disclaimer: I do not own the Legend of Zelda, Nintendo, or any of its characters

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Legend of Zelda, Nintendo, or any of its characters.

**Author's Note:** The rules to the Society of a High School, the inner workings of a High Schooler's mind… Have fun and laugh it up reading the Book O Contracts. I'm Kurai Hitokiri, a writer of Zelda fanfictions, signing off.

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**The Book O Contracts: Volume One**

By Kurai Hitokiri

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**THE BOOK O COTRACTS**

1.) Let it hereby be known that the Book O Contracts is the guide to High School as we all know and (yeah right) love. Should anyone come to doubt the effectiveness of this Sacred Law, let they be burned at the stake and then dumped by every girl/boy that they come in contact with. No one is allowed to question its sacredness…ness.

**Signed by the following people who have nothing to do with their lives**: _Ricky, Miles, Link, Malon, Sheik, and Mack_

2.) Link needs to get a life and quit pestering people about his freakin' love life/social status. We really don't care to hear about Zelly every moment of the day, nor do we want to hear about how his life is going to end due to his own careless mistakes.

**Signed by the people who are tired of hearing every single thing**: _Miles, Ricky, Malon, Sheik, Mack, Tetra, and Zelda (sorry, hunny)_

3.) Homework is pointless, evil, and should die. Whoever loves homework of any sort is hereby declared insane.

**Signed by sane people**: _Miles, Ricky, Malon, Sheik, Link(YEAH!), Tetra, Mack, Zelda_

4.) Ganondorf Dragmire's new name is now Ganondork because of his strange needs to terrorize innocents with his screams of "CUUUUUUUURSE YOOOOOOU LIIIIIIIINK!!"

**Signed by those who care**: _Ricky, Miles, Nabooru, Sheik, Link, Malon, Tetra, Mack, Zelda, Lucy_

5.) Mr. Light's essays are pointless. No one really wants to write about how a blue tektite is different from red ones. They are both ugly and should be eradicated from the face of the Earth.

**Signed by English haters**: _Ricky, Miles, Nabooru, Sheik, Link, Malon, Dark, Mack, Tetra, Zelda, Lucy_

6.) Ms. Shadow (A certain Sheikah teacher), should be shipped to Timbuktu because she never explains the math she doles out upon her poor students.

**Signed by her wondrous students**: _Ricky, Miles, Als, Zelda, Mack_

7.) Band Geeks should only be called Band Geeks by those who are actually members of band. Coming from others it is offensive and hurtful.

**Signed by the Band Geeks themselves**: _Link, Miles, Mack, Lucy, Zelda, Sheik, Malon_

8.) Anime club roks our aqua soks.

**Signed (or else):** _Link, Miles, Mack, Lucy, Zelda, Sheik, Malon, Ricky, Als, Dark, Nabooru, Tetra_

9.) IM is awesomeness and those that don't use it are incomplete. Seriously, go sign up right NOW!!

**Signed by computer geeks**: _Link, Navi, Miles, Mack, Lucy, Zelda, Dark, Malon, Sheik, Tetra, Nabooru, Ganon (I read that MILES!!), Ricky, Als_

10.) Whoever loves the educational part of school is hereby declared insane. Go sign up for the nearest asylum and get yourself a nice straightjacket.

**Signed by those who love socializing**: _Ricky, Als, Mack, Navi, Link, Zelda, Dark, Malon, Sheik Tetra, Nabooru, Ganon, Miles_

11.) Let it be known that there are five good reasons to listen to Miles. Look to her fist for the example. If she is ever incorrect, please refer to the beginning of this edict. Thank you.

**Signed by those who do not want to get hurt**: _Ricky, Als, Mack, Navi, Lucy, Nabooru, Dark, Link (yikes), Zelda, Malon, Sheik, Ganon_

12.) People that ask the same questions over and over are annoying and need to get a life. We do not want to keep on repeating the same answer over and over and over and over…

**Signed by the victims**: _Miles, Als, Ricky, Navi, Lucy, Nabooru, Dark, Link, Zelda, Sheik, Ganon, Gracie, Mack_

13.) Din (Latin teacher) can totally PWN Mr. Fairy (Spanish teacher) in a boxing match. She would totally pour her tea on his comb-over and have him K.Oed within seconds because she's just awesome that way.

**Signed by her students**: _Miles, Als, Ricky, Navi, Lucy, Sheik, Malon, Ganon, Gracie, Tetra_

14.) Assemblies at Hyrule High need a major overhaul. We don't want to hear about our future, honestly we like staying in the present. We don't really like motivational speakers either, they don't make us feel motivated… They make us feel nice 'n sleepy.

**Signed by those tired of BORING assemblies**: _Miles, Als, Ricky, Navi, Lucy, Gracie, Tetra, Mack, Ganon, Sheik, Malon, Navi, Link, Zelda_

15.) Lunchtime needs some good entertainment other than karaoke. Really, with all the bad singers that go up there you're just punishing us instead of rewarding us. We are tempted to not clean up after ourselves just to spare ourselves the headache.

**Signed by those who have had to go to the doctor and are on the verge of suing the school**: _Miles, Als, Ricky, Mack, Lucy, Gracie, Sheik, Tetra, Dark, Nabooru, Navi, Ganon_

16.) Essays are evil. We don't learn anything by writing them other than about the difference between frogs and toads and rediscovering what we already know. A twenty page report on Pathogens won't help us learn what can easily be memorized after a page or so of reading for at least an hour a day.

**Signed by people who actually ****make sense**: _Miles, Als, Ricky, Mack, Lucy, Gracie, Tetra, Dark, Sheik, Nabooru, Navi, Malon, Ganon_

17.) Nintendo DS and Wii are da bomb. Anyone who doesn't like either gaming system has suffered serious trauma to the head and should visit the nearest hospital to have their cranium checked ASAP.

**Signed by Uninjured people**: _Miles, Mack, Als, Gracie, Lucy, Ricky, Tetra, Dark, Sheik, Ganon, Nabooru, Navi, Malon_

18.) Dark needs to quit his perverted ways and jokes or else girls will slap him without mercy and all will shun him. People that disagree shall be introduced to Miles and Darunia for about an hour, after which a complimentary Paramedic will take you away to the ICU.

**Signed by all those that want to keep their faces pretty**: _Mack, Als, Lucy, Tetra, Gracie, Miles, Darunia, Tetra, Sheik, Ganon, Navi, Nabooru, Nayru, Farore, Malon, Ricky, Zelda_

19.) It shall hereby be known that all teachers, even awesome ones, are sometimes very strange. Example: Mr. Light pulling a cane from his desk after telling a student to sit down. Those that exhibit their strangenessness should be required to apologize to their students for their erratic behavior.

**Signed by wide eyed students**: _Miles, Mack, Als, Tetra, Lucy, Gracie, Ricky, Ganon, Sheik, Link, Zelda, Malon, Nabooru, Navi, Nayru, Farore_

20.) It is annoying when Video Games freeze in the midst of an important part of the quest. Those that have thrown their gaming systems against the wall should be reimbursed for their much wasted money and given an apology.

**Signed by the annoyed gamers**: _Miles, Mack, Als, Tetra, Gracie, Ricky, Ganon, Link, Zelda, Sheik, Navi, Nayru, Farore, Nabooru, Malon, Cremia, Kafei_

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**Author's Note:** That was fuuuuuuun to write, a short ramble if I do say so myself. Please read and review, tell me if you liked it or not.

Dedicated to my friends Toyoharu-Uchiha and BlooperBaritone.

Toyoharu-Uchiha: Keep on rockin' on Deviantart

BlooperBaritone: Thanks for likin' the stories.


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